Faithfulness as a struggle?

Yesterday I read and heard Beth McCord (@yourenneagramcoach) describe a word that is vital for my growth - as an enneagram #1.

Beth writes in a summary post of this 'Words Matter' series, that "this word is not easy for your type to do, so it is so crucial to surrender and depend on the Holy Spririt to enable you to move in this path of growth and wholeness [in Him]."

For me, as a 1, this word is Faithful.

Faithful. I am faithful. I am loyal. I immediately took offense, until I heard her out.

After hearing her explanation, I learned that the word Faithfulness is referring to the perspective of faithfulness in obedience rather than loyalty.

Obedience to the Lord, specifically.

I will write more on the Enneagram in the months to come, but for now, as a 1, just know 1's have an inner critic that is relentless. This inner critic highlights flaws and imperfections in us, as well as in anyone and everything around us. It is deafening, frustrating and unavoidable. And in an effort to avoid criticism, 1's typically avoid anything that they can deliver "perfectly" complete. Or, also "over doing" - doing way way more than is asked of me to assure the outcome is pleasing.

In any case, whether avoiding or overdoing, neither are FAITHFUL. Avoiding is plainly unfaithful and overdoing is simply modified faithfulness. And I am guilty of both charges! I am constantly modifying my obedience or avoiding what I can't deliver fully. But...knowledge is power and admitting is a first step - right? I am taking stride towards faithfulness and learning to silence my inner critic.

(I write about the struggle to avoid here - and my struggle to over-do here.)

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Side note: I am learning how often I step into other people's obedience/opportunity in order to "over do" what needs to be done.

In business, as an executive, this was called micromanaging. In my professional career I had to learn to delegate and trust my employees more - after all they were talented individuals. This was ultimately challenged when I left my position.

In personal relationships, this may appear as nagging or caring too much about the little stuff, but truth be known, those little incidental things that seem pointless to you, are screaming out at a 1.

I say this because if you have a 1 in your life stepping into your obedience/opportunity - don't take it personally - they are not doing so because of any opinion they may have of you, rather to avoid the criticism of their inner critic.

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For more information on Enneagram here are sources I have found to be reliable:

Beth McCord | @yourenneagramcoach | www.yourenneagramcoach.com

Ian Morgan Cron | The Road Back to You | www.iancron.com

Suzanne Stabile | The Path Between Us |www.suzannestabile.com

Marilyn Vancil | Self to Lose - Self to Find| www.marilynvancil.com