Updated: May 15, 2018
Obedience. This has been a common conviction in my #TimewithGod the past 2 weeks (longer if I really start digging).
This has been my next great struggle.
I am not denying obedience, or ignoring the requests. I am simply delaying action. I do this ALL THE TIME. "Yes, I will do 'X' right after 'Y' " - Sound familiar? I have had many of these moments in my life, but this past year was saturated with these statements. To my husband, to my child (daily), to friends and extended family, and to God...
Maybe it is a control issue (however, I think God has broken me on that topic), maybe it is an obsession with order/process, or maybe it is because I don't do anything fast. I analyze, critique, process and when I make a decision - I have THOUGHT IT THROUGH. (just ask anyone who knows me) All the directions it can go, all the people it could affect, all the repercussions... No stone left unturned.
But no, not this time. This past year I am realizing many delays have been #FEAR based. Fear to resign from my job, Fear in starting my daily routine of #TimeWithGod, Fear of speaking out when God puts things on my heart, Fear of forgiving people and letting go of Pain. Fear of Trusting. Fear of being vulnerable. Fear of letting down barriers. Fear of getting involved in ministry. Fear of admitting fault. (Please tell me you can relate to some if not many of these.)
Currently, my great Fear is #Transparency.
God is nudging me to share my story. In a few different ways, but it has been a resounding thought in my prayer time, in my Time with God, in conversations I have had with friends, and in many other ways. YET, I find reasons to delay - I will get involved in bible study when Gavin goes to school, I will start a blog when Gavin starts school, I will write those books when I have 8 uninterrupted hours a day. (Did any other moms laugh at "uninterrupted"??) This is just the current reason. My past excuses have been: before I get married, after I get married, before I have kids, after I get control of my anxiety, when this project is complete, after I heal, before I return to work, after I resign, after my last day on the job, before Gavin wakes in the morning, after I grieve, after they're sorry...
I could go on, but I won't.
So, let me share why you are currently reading the blog I was putting off:
For whoever knows the right thing to do and fails to do it, for him it is sin. James 4:17
I have had devotionals, read scriptures, and heard messages on courage, God's strength in our weakness, obedience, God's will...and so many others. All convicting. All influential. BUT - none so blunt. SIN. My #procrastination is SIN.
I needed blunt. I needed that push. I needed to see my choice for what it was. And man, have I sinned in procrastination. ALOT.
What are you putting off? What ways are you procrastinating?
In the days to follow, I will be working through my convictions and obedience, and I will be blogging on the process...stay tuned to see how God helps, equips and rewards us in our obedience.