A Portion of the Vast Unknown
Updated: Jun 10, 2018
We have had a crazy, busy month of travel. But one of my favorite trips was a mommy trip to the beach with our boys. To enjoy a beautiful setting and see the ocean through the eyes of my child --- AMAZING. It was a relaxing [surprisingly] and joyfilled trip.
Those of you who know me, know this -- but my son exudes JOY! He lives for adventure and laughter. This makes it hard to not enjoy life - at least the majority of each day. A blessing for sure, during this season of parenting.
Have you ever noticed how children are naturally drawn to things that exceed them? Bigger than they can see, hear, comprehend... ect. The very reason they love to hear "I love you to the moon, and back." Which mine naturally combats with "I love you all the way to Disney and back" because in his experience - the drive to Disney HAS to be the furthest thing from us, far exceeding the moon! Ha.
Children gravitate to things that hold their awe and wonder. Some children are drawn to it in order to figure it out; while others just stand and stare. But all in wonder! And when they capture a little of that wonder - we see their JOY.
In this stage in my life, when I think of a bucket, I picture my overjoyed kid running from the shoreline with a bucket of ocean water --- which will unlikely be full when he reaches his destination. None the less, he is so excited about the contents of his bucket. However, it only contains a micro-portion of the ocean. But this portion allows him to experience something bigger than he can explain or see the end of.
Today, I see myself in this experience. I see all of us.
This morning, in my #timewithGod I read the following statement by Adrian Rodgers:
With our bucket-sized minds, we are never going to know all there is about God.
This is the undeniable truth - wether we choose to see or not. We are each given a portion of our GREAT GOD. A portion which we all accept, use, and process differently. BUT a portion, none the less.
God seems so explained at times: Savior, Love, Grace... But the truth is, whatever characteristic you have or are experiencing of God - it is still just a portion.
God had great grace with me recently as I refused to let go of the "perfect" life I envisioned. He pursued me, time after time, month after month. His grace covered me in my stubbornness and His love pursued me in my heartbreak. BUT that grace and love, although an amount I am forever grateful for, was but a portion of the vast grace and love of God, in it's wholeness.
I have stood with my full bucket, wearing a grateful smile, and humbled by my experience, but the vast ocean of grace resides all around me still, untouched.
It is unfathomable! Unexplainable. Beyond me or you. And I stand in AWE and WONDER.
I am typically inclined to ask a question at this point, but what I want to ask is subjective to where you are with God.
We all have a bucket for God to fill. Consider yours. Is your "bucket" unavailable to God because it is filled with something else? Or, if empty, are you accepting the portion He is giving you or are you washing it away to keep it clean and available for the portions you think you need? Or, if you are like me, is it full - are you are hoarding the portion for yourself, making it impossible to experience more?
We all handle our buckets differently.
I have been in each of these positions.
I have filled my bucket with what I wanted, and refused to empty it. Earthly focused. Temporally grounded. Self-Reliant. When I was there, I had no need for God. I could fill my own bucket. I was motivated, driven ... and foolish. God, in His great mercy, allowed me to see the end of myself in order to show me that my dreams could never exceed myself with that perspective. But with Him, I could dream bigger. I could do more. The realist in me took years to understand this, but when I set my self aside and took on the life God intended me to live - it began to take shape, and far exceed my orginal expectation.
I have also been in seasons of waiting where I stood with an empty bucket, and when God gave me my portion - if it did not look like what I expected, I would wash it away and present it again. Empty. Waiting. When I was there, I was focused, purpose driven, but also blind and narrow-minded. Psalms 37:4 reminded me that when my joy exists in God, He will give me the desires of my heart. I claimed this verse proudly (stubbornly) standing with my empty bucket. But years later, after tiring of my waiting, I learned that the verse actually means that if I focus my adoration on God, rather than my want, then He will entrust or bestow the petition He intended for my heart. In other words, by wanting God, more than my expectation, God will give me a desire He longs to fill.
And now, I find myself in such a different place. A place where I am filled to overflowing. I have a portion of God's character that I so desperately needed. Being so valuable and cherished, I am now frozen on the shoreline. In awe of this gift. But oblivious to both the people around me that could use the portion, and also to the vast portion of God that remains, which He longs to share with me. I am learning that we have to be empty to be filled. And it is here that I am fulfilled, but easily fall complacent. I grow comfortable and stop moving forward. We are blessed to bless others, have you heard that saying? Well, it is true, and when we hold back from sharing this portion with others, we delay our next portion of God as well.
This is faith. This is what a relationship with God looks like in it's simplest form -
Need God, Get God, Give God.
Next time you see a child overjoyed with his bucket of sand or sea, reflect and see what portion you have been given. Ask God where you are - in a season of need, a place of acceptance, or who you can share your portion with.